“just 4 incomplete letterS”
“tHe sound of silence”
Actions speak louder than words right, but silence can be the loudest of all. Silence at a funeral speaks volumes, we know everyone is mourning. Silence could mean serenity when seeking peace in this world. The silent night is the perfect place to gather ones thoughts and to reminisce on the times that were, and the times that could’ve been. Sometimes we have so much to say and keep quiet, we remain silent. We get tongue tied and can’t make sense of the sentence’s we’re trying to construct. Silent gives the illusion that the world has stopped that time is standing still and sometimes that’s all you need, time.
The noise I hear in my own mind when I sit and try to gather my thoughts is often overwhelming, but I found one thing that silences my world that shut’s everything out that stops time, where yesterday and tomorrow doesn’t matter anymore. When we know that all we have is now. I don’t often lose myself, I don’t run out of words to say, except with you. With friends there’s always moments of awkward silences, but I don’t feel like awkward with you. In this noisy, loud and often insane world. You shut everything out, without even knowing it. The words don’t come easy so silently I’ll attempt to type them out. When the world is screaming, spinning out of control, where we forget what matters, you always seem to remind me. We always look for someone we can talk to, but what if I just want to listen, I’ll let your voice break the silence, you know what an amazing voice you have. All that matters is your voice and the rest of the world just blurs away into the background. You woke me up when I was clearly asleep, and reminded me of what I deem important in this world. I’d forgotten, I’d turned my back on it, but you said something and I turned around to listen, I said I’d never look back but I’m glad you made me. The silence I needed from all the opinions, the suggestions, the noise, the silence I needed is you.
When someone makes you forget that the world exists, where you are, who you are. Then that someone is something else. Some would turn to drugs or alcohol to escape, but I think I’ll always turn to you. You shut everything out, If I’m going through something, I think of you or look at your picture and for a brief moment, I have hope, I have reason to fight, and that’s all I need. Guess what I’m trying to say, is that you’re all I need .<3
“bEneath thE surface”
Words usually come easy, but with you I lose my breath, stumble, and don’t know how to complete sentences, I’d much rather just listen. J
I can’t stop thinking about you, I wish that you’d be behind me when I look back, hoping you’re there. You’re the only one I look at when I see so much. Your voice is the only song I would ever hear if I had to choose. You’re the face I wish I could see when there’s smoke. I long for your tough, I can’t explain, I barely understand it, but there’s nothing more I want than you. Nothing I wouldn’t give for you, nothing I wouldn’t take for you. Your hair is angelic, your voice is like an angels whisper. Maybe we’re made in god’s image, you’re made in god’s image, and you’re a Goddess. You’re a princess and if anything to rescue you, but you know something, you rescued me instead, when I was broken, the day we met you left me unbroken. You gave me a second chance, I’d lost you before, but you gave me a chance. That is amazing, not all of us getting chances in life, but I did, you gave it to me, thank you. You won’t regret it. The first time left both of us with an answered questions but the second time we began a story without an intro. You clouded up my mind you leave me fuzzy, I enjoy the smoke. You’re different, although completely honest ( I hope :O lol), you always leave me guessing, and for some reason, I cannot read you, you’re no stranger to me and yet I know who have so much more going on than you show. You’ve always looked like someone that’s got a lot going on beneath the surface. I like the guessing games because I just realized that, I’m afraid of losing you but I have a strong feeling that I won’t. There’s a certain latitude that you offer, that I’ve never had before, you’re understanding and you don’t go all crazy for no reason. You’ve also never asked me to change anything about me, I’ve never had that before and I just wish that you’d have been my point of reference instead. You got rid of my conditioning, my insecurities and my fears, just by being there. I don’t understand it, but the best things in life, usually do not have an explanation. I just want to enjoy the ride, and I know you’ll always have something to teach me. I told you this before, but I look up to you, once I got to know you. And you know what, I’m not just saying this, but there is no reason for the world not to love you. Just like I do, honestly I’d be jealous, but that would just prove that I care.
“leT’s do it”
Let’s do it, I love you and you love me. Let’s jump in the car throw our phones out the window and leave everything behind, I have all I need, all I need is you. Let’s crank the music up let’s scream and show the world how happy we are. Let’s drive and see where the road takes us, I love you, I love you today. Who cares about tomorrow or yesterday? All we have is now, let’s make it count. The moment I saw you my heart sunk, you made me feel fear, a giant crush and a combinations of feelings I never knew existed. I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I’m high on a drug that’ll never wear of as long as you’re around. You’re everything I’ve needed and more. Things change and nothing lasts forever, but a day with you is worth giving up my forever for. You’ve touched me in ways I’d have never comprehended you’ve given me faith when I had none. Heaven and hell, who cares? I have you now and that’s all that matters. Let’s set this world on fire. I’d do anything for you, give everything for you and be left with nothing for you. You’re my everything. Let’s say goodbye to everyone and leave this town behind. I’d try catching my breath but you always take it away. You’re my amplifier my wake up call, my sense of reality. My sense of being and my reason. Hold on to my hand, hold it tight, let’s close our eyes and hope we make it. We may lose everything but we’ll never lose each other. You’re my inspiration and my destination. You showed me something, the meaning of life, you defined it, and the meaning of life is “LOVE”. It’s over, the search for meaning the search for myself, cause I found myself in you. You are the sun shining upon the tomb of my hopes and dreams. The reason I love you is you.
Then a tidal wave came in and woke me up the things I’ve just said, but a month ago would have been the things I thought I’ll never say. I let my guard down and you caught me by surprise, everything else vanished and it was just you and me. The thought of living in a world without you is a life with no light, a life with no meaning. As I catch my breath you looked away and in that moment my hear sunk, a tidal wave had ripped me apart from the inside out, in that moment I knew, I knew the death of love. But love never dies and you showed me that, tears never dry either and hearts that live fully will die completely. Take me, take everything and never look back. I’d die for you in a heartbeat but for now I’ll live for you. I’ll live for you. You’re my everything and I wish you were here. You’re the song that rings in my head all day, the dreams I have at night and the life I have in my heart. Whisper and I’ll listen, walk and I’ll run. You’re my obsession, my fetish, my religion, my confusion, my confession, my virtues and vices, my question and conclusion, my everything and I’m completely, selflessly, undeniably ,irrevocably yours. You breathed life into my heart, a life that’s yours, you’re the place I found myself in and the place I’ll lose myself in. I fell for you slowly, silently and stealthily I didn’t even know. When I saw you again, I couldn’t help breaking inside as you walked away. You’re my beginning and end and everything in between. <3
So here I lay in bed, it’s just past midnight, my windows are slightly open, I can hear the occasional car drive past and feel the midnight breeze, keeping the temperature just right, I’m sleepy but my mind is racing. I’m listening to a band I haven’t heard in a long time. Well I’ve realised whether I’m sleepy or wide awake, all I can think about is you. Who we were, who we are and what we could be, I lie awake at night like never before, with a newfound energy, it’s not insomnia, I do get sleep, it just happens a bit later, I’ve dreamt about you four times over the last month. I take dreams seriously, the subconscious may not exist but you’re in my consciousness, regardless of whether I’m awake or asleep. You’re not an obsession but a constant reminder, of what could be. For the first time in my life, I think about what could be, instead of what could’ve been. You give me a certain sense of reason, a fragment of hope and a pinch of faith I thought I’ll never get back. You’re happiness, you’re pure and good. You’re real and for now, you’re mine, I’m falling for you but I’m afraid to use the “word”, but I think it’s true, it feels right. You feel right. Anyway, you’re gone to bed, but you remain awake with me. I just want to say good night <3 , I look at you’re picture when I need to smile, think of you when I need inspiration and dream of you when I need direction. <3 I don’t believe in heaven, but I think , my heaven is wherever you are. <3 :)
Words aren’t enough to describe someone or something, things may be left unsaid and the description of abstract ideas has always been of some mystery, artists paint and yet feel like their envisioned portrayal of a specific subject remains untold, when directing short films I too have had a certain sense of limitation with regards to my final product. Yes in essence it tells what I’m trying to say but there’s always something missing. I just want to say that although I try my best to be pure and thorough when I speak with you or write about you. I will always know that you are indeed, indescribable. Yes I often repeat myself, like the chorus of a song, so what I’m trying to say, I say again. You repeatedly inspire me, surprise me and make me fall for you, over and over again. Every day you make me the happiest guy in the world. Just think you should know that.
Ps. “i miss you, but I miss your voice the most” – “i don’t believe in perfect but you’re ALmost there”, also this piece is coded, your name is mentioned and only you will see it, cause ill tell you :) .